The Oxymoron Strikes Again: Religious Feminists

It’s hardly an original idea that just because women do something, that something does not automatically become a “feminist” thing to do.  Whether it’s defending prostitution, hailing pornography, living the BDSM lifestyle, or just staying with some asshole who beats her, not all “choices” a woman makes are equally good.  Even more, not all “choices” deserve to be defended by feminists.  Why?  Because they’re dehumanizing, belittling, and deeply misogynistic at their very cores.  Sadly, many women who agree with all those things–women who call themselves feminists–will suddenly come to a screeching halt and scream when religion is added to the list.

I don’t need to pull out the verses of the various holy books that advise on how and when to beat your wife, how to give your sexual slave to a group of men to be raped and murdered, or how to enslave all virgin females captured in war.  I don’t need to list the various religious-based laws, customs and political movements that seek to limit, oppress and exploit  women.  I mean, they all have them.  It’s really not that difficult to understand, is it?

Recently, I have come across some extremely strange defenses of religion.  I thought I would lay those out, and respond to them:

  • Defense #1:  “Yes, there are misogynistic parts of religion, but you don’t have to believe in all of it.”
  • Response #1:  If you have to pick and choose the least oppressive parts of a religion, what is the point?  If there are fundamentally unjust beliefs and practices embedded in the teachings, writings and traditions of a religion, is it not best to just jettison it altogether? If you have to convince yourself something is not unjust, picking and choosing bits and pieces of it, perhaps you should look at why you have to try to so hard.
  • Defense #2:  “But many women who consider themselves feminists believe in Christianity/Judaism/Islam/Hinduism/whatever.”
  • Response #2:  Many women who consider themselves feminists fight tooth and nail to defend porn, prostitution and mainstream American political parties.  It doesn’t make them right.  It sure as hell doesn’t mean that anyone else should join in their delusions and actually defend them as feminist.
  • Defense #3:  “But that’s just how society is.  There’s no use fighting it.”
  • Response #3:  There’s no point in being politically active at all if this is your view of things.  There is not one thing that makes religion necessary.  It isn’t needed for social interaction.  It isn’t needed for people to treat each other ethically or kindly.  (In fact, we have evidence that it causes people to do just the opposite.)  It isn’t needed to continue the species.  It isn’t needed to sustain life in any way.  Furthermore, it is a fairy tale and encourages people to indulge in magical thinking.
  • Defense #4:  “But it’s their culture, and you have to respect it.  No one can judge another culture/religion/tradition/whatever.”
  • Response #4:  I’ve written before about my rejection of cultural and ethical relativism.  It’s a lazy, cowardly way of thinking.  It’s a way to avoid taking a stand.  No, you really don’t have to respect it.  You have to understand where people are coming from and respect them as human beings, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give any practice or belief system a stamp of approval–especially when it is oppressive in both doctrine and practice.

Unfortunately, it is on the Left where you find much of this bizarre defense of religion, especially Islam.  The argument given is that it’s “Islamophobic” to criticize the religion–even as women are oppressed, tortured or killed under said religion.  The Left’s tendency to adopt the position that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” plays into this.  No matter how brutal or oppressive a regime, a group or a belief system, if it opposes the U.S., it is “good”.

Strangely, this tendency to use victimization to avoid criticism is also a handy tool used by one of the Left’s favorite targets:  Israel.  Anti-Semitism, in general, and the Holocaust, specifically, are used to deflect and evade criticism of Israel, its oppressive practices, and its oppressive religion.  The Left does not recognize this very real violence and oppression aimed at the Jews to be a valid reason to avoid criticizing the violence of Israel when it comes to the treatment of Palestinians.  Perhaps that is because Israeli violence and rhetoric are primarily aimed at men, at least in public. (Although women are all too commonly caught in the middle of one group of patriarchal males battling another group of patriarchal males.)  There are plenty of reasons to criticize Israel.  Its treatment of Palestinians is one of them.  Its status as a Jewish state–a state founded on misogynistic doctrine–is another.

In the U.S., we have Christians claiming that they are being victimized.  They point at any attempt to allow people to live secular lives free of religious-based bigotry as an attack on their religion.  They do so even as they pass laws that allow people to use their religious-based hatred to oppress others.

People talk of a “clash of civilizations” between the Christian West and the Islamic Middle East.  I see no such thing.  Playing the victim seems to be the tried-and-true method of avoiding responsibility for the bigotry and oppression at the heart of your religious teachings.  It’s something that all of the so-called “People of the Book” can agree upon.  Is that progress?

Marriage, Civil Unions and Religious Freedom

I first posted this piece on Righteous Anger.

With Obama’s recent stance change on gay marriage, I’ve been giving more and more thought to the idea of marriage. The underlying feelings I have aren’t any different than they used to be; I’ve just been trying to determine if my beliefs are internally consistent. Philosophical musings, in other words. This is what I’ve come up with: the legal protections associated with “marriage” should go away for everyone. Radical idea? Well, hold on a minute…

My idea isn’t that all of the legal privileges of a committed relationship should go away. My idea is that they should not be defined by or as “marriage”–for anyone. The idea of the civil union has been part of the marriage debate for a while. The problem is that it’s been framed as the bastard child of marriage. There has been the superior state of “marriage,” which only heterosexual couples were to enjoy. Then, gays, lesbians, and bisexual people in same-sex relationships were to have the lesser state of a “civil union.” That’s unacceptable, in my opinion.

When my husband of 20 years and I got married, it wasn’t because we believed in the traditional definitions of marriage or any of it’s related bullshit. We married for the legal protections. In February of 1992, we learned we would become parents later that year. Marriage would legally protect us and our child. There are still a lot of legal penalties to having a child out of wedlock. Issues of paternity, rights to the child, child support, taxes, medical decision-making, and a whole host of other shit are made easier if you’re married. So, we got married about a month after we found out about our daughter’s impending arrival. Had we not gotten married, our commitment would have been the same; marriage was just to head off the legal bullshit.

All that legal bullshit is relevant whether you’re in a same-sex or an opposite-sex relationship, whether you have kids or not. Being able to make medical decisions for your partner, being able to cover each other on your insurance, getting the tax breaks, and so much more. It’s vital, important stuff considering the society we live in. The video “It Could Happen to You” explains some of the vitally important stuff better than I ever could.

So, what to do?

Christianity was a late-comer to Western marriage. An interloper, if you will. Marriage was constituted in a lot of ways that had little to do with religion. The Catholic Church (which was Christianity at the time) got into the act fairly late. One of the quotes used to justify marriage stated, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry:  for it is better to marry than to burn.”  (1 Corinthians 7:9)  In short, if people cannot control their sexual urges, they should marry rather than “burn”.  It has debated whether this meant “burn in hell” or “burn with passion”.  Doesn’t matter which way you interpret it, it’s hardly advocating marriage as a holy, desirable state filled with “sanctity”. So, why are those who want to “protect marriage” so sure that their religious views are what constitute marriage, when Christianity didn’t even establish a sacrament for marriage until late in the game? Arrogance, mostly.

My fix for this problem? Get rid of all legal protections for those who are “married”. If you want a Christian wedding, have it. If you want a Wiccan handfasting, have it. If you want a Hindu wedding, have it. If you want a Jewish wedding, have it. But none of those things will give you legal protections. (Right now, all but Wiccan handfasting do provide legal rights and protections. So, the state is picking and choosing between religions, establishing religion, in violation of the First Amendment.) You can have your religious beliefs and ceremonies, but the state should not be sanctioning them or giving you legal privilege based upon those beliefs or ceremonies. This is especially the case when the government is picking and choosing which religious ceremonies give people those legal privileges.

So, would the legal privileges for committed relationships go away entirely? No, they would not. Civil unions would be required for all couples who want such privilege. Same-sex gay, lesbian and bisexual couples would have the same rights as opposite-sex heterosexual and bisexual couples. All would require civil unions.

The religious right claims that marriage is defined by what “god” wants. Guess what? The state isn’t supposed to be recognizing what your god wants as part of the legislative process. That’s in the Constitution. Want your religious ceremony? Go for it. Just don’t ask for tax breaks or other legal recognition based upon it.

In short, the legal commitment of individuals should be the only thing that provides legal rights and privileges for all couples. Those legal commitments should not in any way, shape or form be bound to religious rites. That’s what the separation of church and state is all about.

Marriage, Civil Unions, and Religious Freedom

With Obama’s recent stance change on gay marriage, I’ve been giving more and more thought to the idea of marriage. The underlying feelings I have aren’t any different than they used to be; I’ve just been trying to determine if my beliefs are internally consistent. Philosophical musings, in other words. This is what I’ve come up with: the legal protections associated with “marriage” should go away for everyone. Radical idea? Well, hold on a minute…

My idea isn’t that all of the legal privileges of a committed relationship should go away. My idea is that they should not be defined by or as “marriage”–for anyone. The idea of the civil union has been part of the marriage debate for a while. The problem is that it’s been framed as the bastard child of marriage. There has been the superior state of “marriage,” which only heterosexual couples were to enjoy. Then, gays, lesbians, and bisexual people in same-sex relationships were to have the lesser state of a “civil union.” That’s unacceptable, in my opinion.

When my husband of 20 years and I got married, it wasn’t because we believed in the traditional definitions of marriage or any of it’s related bullshit. We married for the legal protections. In February of 1992, we learned we would become parents later that year. Marriage would legally protect us and our child. There are still a lot of legal penalties to having a child out of wedlock. Issues of paternity, rights to the child, child support, taxes, medical decision-making, and a whole host of other shit are made easier if you’re married. So, we got married about a month after we found out about our daughter’s impending arrival. Had we not gotten married, our commitment would have been the same; marriage was just to head off the legal bullshit.

All that legal bullshit is relevant whether you’re in a same-sex or an opposite-sex relationship, whether you have kids or not. Being able to make medical decisions for your partner, being able to cover each other on your insurance, getting the tax breaks, and so much more. It’s vital, important stuff considering the society we live in. The video “It Could Happen to You” explains some of the vitally important stuff better than I ever could.

So, what to do?

Christianity was a late-comer to Western marriage. An interloper, if you will. Marriage was constituted in a lot of ways that had little to do with religion. The Catholic Church (which was Christianity at the time) got into the act fairly late. One of the quotes used to justify marriage stated, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry:  for it is better to marry than to burn.”  (1 Corinthians 7:9)  In short, if people cannot control their sexual urges, they should marry rather than “burn”.  It has debated whether this meant “burn in hell” or “burn with passion”.  Doesn’t matter which way you interpret it, it’s hardly advocating marriage as a holy, desirable state filled with “sanctity”. So, why are those who want to “protect marriage” so sure that their religious views are what constitute marriage, when Christianity didn’t even establish a sacrament for marriage until late in the game? Arrogance, mostly.

My fix for this problem? Get rid of all legal protections for those who are “married”. If you want a Christian wedding, have it. If you want a Wiccan handfasting, have it. If you want a Hindu wedding, have it. If you want a Jewish wedding, have it. But none of those things will give you legal protections. (Right now, all but Wiccan handfasting do provide legal rights and protections. So, the state is picking and choosing between religions, establishing religion, in violation of the First Amendment.) You can have your religious beliefs and ceremonies, but the state should not be sanctioning them or giving you legal privilege based upon those beliefs or ceremonies. This is especially the case when the government is picking and choosing which religious ceremonies give people those legal privileges.

So, would the legal privileges for committed relationships go away entirely? No, they would not. Civil unions would be required for all couples who want such privilege. Same-sex gay, lesbian and bisexual couples would have the same rights as opposite-sex heterosexual and bisexual couples. All would require civil unions.

The religious right claims that marriage is defined by what “god” wants. Guess what? The state isn’t supposed to be recognizing what your god wants as part of the legislative process. That’s in the Constitution. Want your religious ceremony? Go for it. Just don’t ask for tax breaks or other legal recognition based upon it.

In short, the legal commitment of individuals should be the only thing that provides legal rights and privileges for all couples. Those legal commitments should not in any way, shape or form be bound to religious rites. That’s what the separation of church and state is all about.

The First Amendment

The actual text of the 1st Amendment, for the right-wingers who can’t wrap their heads around it:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The very first clause is vital: “no law respecting an establishment of religion.” Making laws based on religious belief is prohibited. It is the very first thing said in the very first Amendment. No one is telling you to have an abortion that your religion prohibits. That’s covered by the second clause. The first clause says that you do NOT have the right to use your religion to enforce that belief on everyone else.